Wednesday, April 12, 2006

On appearances

(This post would be better with pictures, but I can't add them for some reason).

Justin Morneau just hit a homerun to put the Twins ahead. C just went to bed. H wakes up in 30 minutes, and I need to vent.

What team is this? These Pixie vests look like crap. I almost hope the Twins get stung with an awful loss tonight and that the Pixie vests get branded "bad mojo." If, like Jerry Seinfeld said, sports fandom is basically cheering for laundry, I will not cheer for this laundry.

It looks like someone took tore the sleeves off the unis, but was kind enough to give back the Kirby "34" patch. "This looks like it means something to you, why don't you keep it?"

And, it gives us a better look at the awful Nike undershirts. Blood-stain elbows and all.

The Twins should be weaing all-white like the heroes they are. I was actually hoping to see Shannon not get to Swisher's HR, because I thought he was a defender for a different team. And then I realized, that was my Twin running that ball down.

I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I just keep looking at them trying to give them another chance and I can't get over it.

Okay, that being said, it looks like the rumours of corrugated helmets for the Twixies turns out to be mere truthiness. Thank heavens. I've seen a couple of teams wear them, with different results. They look okay on the A's because they're matte-er. They look awful on the Dodgers, a great classic uni marred with high-tech goo-gaws. They should go ahead and put names on the backs of the unis now if they're gonna give them cool flow reptile helmets. Do the Dodgers have a slightly lighter-hued from on them? I keep imagining it and that's even worse.

And then there's the Mets. I think they might have the worst uni in all MLB, but I'm trying to not think too hard. It's an all-out mess. So, a Black Helmet with vents and Blue star-ish thing as the "front panel" with a black "NY" with white trim? I guess "uglier" was possible. And now they're there.

Okay, the Mets have nice hats have got two good hats, especially the old blue with orange NY, but even their good black hat is streched over two hats. One hat has blue NY with orange trim and the logo pops and vibes with electricity as the wearer turns and the orange appears and disappears. Unfortunately, it's paired with a blue bill and a blue bead. (This is the road cap.) Their home alt is all-black composition (even the bead), but it has a Blue NY with white trim and an orange drop-shadow. Huh? Put the orange-trimmed Blue NY on the all-black hat and you've got a winner of a black hat, which is pretty rare.

Finally, I'm dreading the Purple-pantsed Vikings. I wish the Vikings would go all-white at home like the Dolphins used to (do they still?) and the Redskins still do. The Cowboys wear white kits at home but teal-grey pants.

There, I'm done.

2 Comments:

Blogger frightwig said...

I notice that some of the A's wear the new lizard hats, while some (like Frank Thomas) still wear the old kind. Maybe the Twins players also had a choice, and they all rejected the reptilian designs?

I didn't get to see the game tonight, so I'll reserve final judgment of the vests until I see them in action. Meanwhile, I'm not opposed to the idea of the vests--I actually like them on some teams--but I enjoyed your rant just the same.

11:46 PM  
Anonymous Jim H. said...

Maybe the Men's Warehouse guy could cut an endorsement deal with some MLB club (the Twins, say) to wear nice suits when they play. A charcoal gray pinstripe at home and a nice blue blazer/khaki pant combo on the road. Instead of names on the back, players could wear tags stuck in plastic sleeves that say "Hi, my name is Torii." Such unis would look very professional. And players wouldn't have to change to meet with agents or bankers. For the post-season (when it's colder and when a more intense look would reflect the gravity of these games), they could add vests and short coattails.

Ties optional.

Jim H.

11:07 AM  

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